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The Ten Commandments As Seen Through The Squid Eye

8:18 pm in Featured, Funnies, Squid Etiquette by Chef Keem

1. I am SQUID your GODIN who brought you out of the land of oblivion, from the house of irrelevance. You shall have no other godins before Me…

2. Do not use the SQUID logo in your own graphics and then worship the hell out of them

3. Do not swear falsely by the name of SQUID in hub pages, blogs, or forums

4. Take a freaking day off from lensrank obsession

5. Honor your Squid Angels and Squid Citizens

6. Do. Not. Spam (the verb). It’s a killer.

7. Do not ‘hit’ on other lensmasters

8. Do not copy/paste content from sources other than yourself

9. Do not bitch about other squids in the SquidU forum

10. Do not covet your neighbor’s purple star

Ain’t life easy?

bavarianangel-1Bavarian Squid Angel design courtesy of lensmaster Steve Thompson.

[ratings]

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Lensranking Factors – Please Add Your Insights!

2:14 pm in Featured, Lensrank, Squid Etiquette by Chef Keem

One of the newer lensmasters sent me an email wondering about 2 things:

Should I ask other lensmasters for rating and linking my lenses? (Or is this frowned upon in the community?)

Why is the Squidoo lensranking system so unpredictible?

Here’s my opinion – please add your input in the comment box below.

“Aahh – the eternal mystery of the lensrank…lol – I don’t know nothing about it…(I guess the double-negative means I know something…not much, tho…)

1. Only HQ knows the formula, and they keep it secret so it can’t be rigged by the usual a-holes of this world.

2. I would never directly ask people to rate my lens. The nature of Squidoo.com is to write great content and present it to the world for their judgment – “The Power of Recommendation”. It might even have a negative effect to ask for ratings or link/rating exchanges.

Back to the mysterious LR…

3. Visits, ratings, clickouts, regular updates…everything plays a role in the LR determination. I’d venture to say that what benefits Squidoo.com the most – Glam ad and Amazon ad clickouts AND purchases – probably weighs more than visitors and stars.

4. The mysterious high jumps of lenses that hadn’t been updated or visited a lot, or, conversely, the frustrating dropping of regularly updated lenses with tons of visitors and ratings, can be explained (somewhat) by the fact that about 1,700 new lenses are published daily on Squidoo. As we know, new lenses get an initial boost from Squidoo and from Google, so they tend to rise quickly and push existing lenses down.

Let’s say you have a nice lens in the About Me category, freshly updated, ranked in the Top 100, and with a fair amount of visitors and ratings – one day, every newbie and a few existing LM’s decide to publish their personal story for the world to see, like, maybe 200 of ‘em…that creates a lot of “pressure” in the top field of this category – and your work of art drops, for a while.

Once the newness (and the initial boost) wears off (and if your older lens is well-maintained), your ranking shall rise again.

If nobody publishes much new stuff, overall or in “your” category – you might see a rapid rise of your lens.

5. Longevity plays a role, too. I’ve been doing this over a year now, and some of my very first lenses had come “out the wood works” when I expected it the least. And I hadn’t even been updating much.

All in all, my “formula” for financial success through top-ranking lenses is this: Keep making new lenses. Why? See #4 above…”

lensrank-star-ratings

Another fine image from the Heather Katsoulis Collection, available to all of us through Creative Commons

[ratings]

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If I can do it – You can do it. Wrong!

8:25 pm in Editorial, Squid Etiquette by Chef Keem

I have used this phrase many times before – usually in the context of fake humility by claiming accomplishment in spite of my (jokingly proposed) “limited mental faculties”.

“If even this dummy can do it – it should be a piece of cake for you!”

Is it because I turn (hopefully) wiser the older (for sure) I get… – recently I began to doubt the validity of this statement.

How dare I challenge you in such a brutal manner?

What if you have certain mental blocks caused by a traumatic experience in the past?

What if you suffer from low self-esteem and my thoughtless comment drives you into even deeper depression? (“Even this ‘dummy’ can do it, but I can’t! I must be a complete idiot.”)

What if I might be more experienced in one area – but your marvelous talents shine in many others?

Am I considering all the steps it took for me to reach my goal – upbringing, education, emotional breakthroughs, spiritual growth, influential acquaintances, peer support, etc.?

What do I know about your circumstances in life?

I don’t really know you but I assume I do: “If I can do it – You can do it!”

Really?

What if I said…

“If you have problems with this, maybe I can help with my experience?”

“I’ve had a lot of help with this and I’d be glad to pass it on to you!”

“It took me a long time to comprehend this. Don’t hesitate to ask me again if you have more questions!”

Gentler, less abrasive – in case things don’t work out on the first try.

______________________________________________

Now, what I’d really like to do is thank (SemperFidelis) all those gentle (JaguarJulie) Squidoo buddies (adez7) who took me (Margaret Schaut) under their wings (KimGiancaterino) and never ever (GypsyPirate) let me feel (Evelyn_Saenz) inadequate (awelldressedbullet) in our smart (bdkz) community of (PotPieGirl) lensmasters (rms) .

Shall I just say (Squidster) “you know (chloecavanaugh) who you (thefluffanutta) are…”? (clouda9Sounds lazy (kab), doesn’t it? (JeffWend) I’m sure I’d forget (enslavedbyfaeries) a bunch (Comfortdoc), or run (ElizabethJeanAllen) out of (Flowergardener) room to (Janusz) type…

Let’s (mulberry) keep it (ThomasC) subliminal, (MrLewisSmile) o.k.?

[ratings]

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Squid Etiquette

7:14 pm in Squid Etiquette by Chef Keem

Lensmaster aj2008 has put together a comprehensive guide on Squidoo “behavior”. This is essential reading for every lensmaster – new or seasoned, skinny or voluptuous, chipper or grumpy.

Dive in and relearn all the stuff from the ole kindergarten days – and a few new things as well.

Meet your teacher:

aj2008

aj2008

Squid Etiquette by aj2008

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How to Simultaneously Get Your "Ex" Back, Make Millions and Lose Weight Overnight – with Acai Berries (Free Samples!)

8:49 am in Featured, Squid Etiquette, The Basics by Chef Keem

CLICK HERE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! YOU OWE IT TO YOURSELF TO TRY THIS!!!!!!!! DON’T MISS OUT ON THIS LIMITED TIME OFFER!!!!!!!!!! BUY NOW!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
(And then – for good measure:) CLICK HEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEERE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Meanwhile, these things are funny. Yet, every day we see new lenses like this pop up. What are they thinking? I mean – WHAT ARE THEY THINKING??????????????????

My guess is – some people discover “internet marketing” through online hype and get caught up in the artificial excitement. Then, they copy. And paste. Like millions of others. How remarkable is that? Not.

My own, seemingly unrelated life experience serves as a metaphor for this kind of behavior. After years of indulging my alcoholism, I finally sobered up. I finally “got it”. Unfortunately, I also became an instant “missionary”. I went on a “crusade” to save ALL souls around me – not realizing that most of these folks were already light years ahead of me, in terms of personal development.

What can I learn from this?

Whenever I find something new that excites me so much that I want to tell the world about it – I don’t. I stop, breathe, and “google”.

  • What’s “out there” already, on my life-changing discovery?
  • Let’s look for negative reviews of the subject at hand.
  • Who are the authorities on this concept? How many are there, how often do they write about it, how up-to-date is the available information?

This method of pausing, thinking, planning, and researching before publishing can (and should) be applied to all online projects – Squidoo lenses, forum posts, blogs, ezine articles, etc…

Too often I went public too soon. My audience yawned: “Welcome to the club, friend. It’s about time you got here…”

P.S.: CLICK HEEEERE!!! to “Make Money Online”, and HEEEERE!!! to “Forget about it (and make even more!)”.

P.P.S.: Let go of your “ex”, be happy with your current weight, and don’t eat any unripe berries (free, or not)!

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